Don't always search for something better.

I think growing up in a time where just about everything you want is a click away, we've instilled in our minds that the moment the smallest thing goes wrong we can change it right there and then and it will be better. True maybe for things like broken jewelry or a run down car, but people are not objects. As much as I wish I didn't have to admit this, I am so guilty of it. 

One of the root causes in my opinion that ruins friendships and relationships, romantic and emotional. Sure they're a great friend but isn't always available when I am while this friend is always open so I'll stop putting my time into one and hangout with other. Or sure he was a great boyfriend but theres so many other guys out there I'm sure I can find one with a better job and more money. We get so caught up in searching for something thats better than what we got, we forget to appreciate what we have and never realize the true value and potential it could have.

*BIG lesson this month.*

I've been struggling to adjust to my new life changes the past month in a half and it got to the point that I just broke down and let the weight of everything tear me down. Although, in everyone else's defense I never brought it up either because I don't like pity and I don't like the confrontation that leaves me vulnerable and in tears in front of people I love and respect. Leaving me to do the only thing I knew how to do and that was write about it. Social media has this amazing way of letting you be vulnerable behind a safe wall that avoids the face to face confrontational awkwardness..

I can't even begin to tell you the amount of love that was shared with me after I did that. From those people I see so often I forget to remind them how much I value them, people I haven't connected with in weeks, months, years that were so quick to come to my rescue. My mom who I don't spend nearly enough time with, and one of the most important ones..my boyfriend. Who probably took most the heat from my breakdown only creating a strain on our relationship that wasn't even there to begin with. Part of me was disappointed by it. I just thought to myself that they only wanted to see me or write to me out of pity and that bothered me. I don't want to have to walk around and throw pity parties in order to get people to hang around me, it didn't feel right! But looking deeper into what they were saying and how they treated me is really what opened my eyes and more importantly, my heart. That "pity" I received was all constructive, "I'm sorry you're going though this but, it's a part of growing up, its a part of life." They weren't holding my hand, complimenting me to cover up my pain..they were reminding me that I am at a turning point in my life where it's normal to lose touch with certain people and start a more "routine" life. Where you may start to see people less but you shouldn't let the inevitable fate of growing up make you throw out everything good that you have. Not that I can't have fun with friends and keep things exciting with my boyfriend, those moments are just shared differently than before. I couldn't be more thankful for that reminder. Who better to take advice about growing up from than people who have all gone through the same thing?? I can honestly tell you that every person who I've spoke with since then have all said they went though the exact same thing. I mean, it only makes sense..you spend your whole life going through school with the same people..you go to college and have roommates that you see everyday and constantly have events going on and people around, to graduating or leaving school finding work in different states and cities and countries..we all go our separate ways and that's just this crazy thing called life. 

I need to stop searching on how to replace everything difficult and learn to challenge myself to appreciate and adjust to everything I already have. I need to speak up and confront my fears and challenges before it builds up and breaks me down, its okay not to be okay 100% of the time. All of my amazing friends are still amazing friends, we've just all reached this point at a different time. They are away or taking classes or work 30-40+ hours a week or have houses to clean, kids to take care of, families that need them and spouses they need quality time with. Some even going through exactly what I am but too felt like they had nobody to talk with. I need to go see family, blood or not as much as I can, as much as I'm growing up so are they. Family has an amazing way of making everything feel okay even if just for that moment. I need to appreciate my boyfriend for all of his dedication and hard work, I can proudly say in my whole entire life I have never seen someone so dedicated and willing to something that at days has him wanting to pull his hair out. Grateful that he works so hard so he can build a strong future. A rare exception to someone searching for something better..when things get hard he searches for how to make that situation better, not just leave it. Or my favorite line of his, "stop worrying, I'm not going anywhere" followed by his million dollar smile, crazy tight hug and kiss on my forehead..simple, sassy, but full of so much meaning to someone who came from a disposable background of people giving up.

Truly from the bottom of my heart thank you to everyone who has opened my eyes to reality. Taking my irrational breakdown and showing me that it's completely normal. It's not the end of the world, my world is just changing. Change is good and I find myself excited for the challenges I have to face because if I wasn't having these obstacles I know that I'm not allowing myself to grow. A wise man once said, "If you look at the world when you are 50 the same way you looked at it when you were 20 and it hasn’t changed, then you have wasted 30 years of your life" -Muhammed Ali. You've showered me with knowledge and an over abundance of love that gives me the confidence in myself that has been lacking. I am so incredibly lucky and I promise I will be sure to recognize that.

until next time.

xo

9 things you never thanked your step dad for.

I hope that you realize when she said "I do" that meant that I do too. Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a step dad, so thank you. Thank you for...

1. Helping with heavy lifting

Because lets get real, as much as id like to do everything on my own I just cant! You’ve helped me move when it was time for a new apartment and all the goodies that come with having your own place. Thanks for the extra muscle

2. Talking sports with me

Ive always been into sports and unfortunately most of my girlfriends aren’t. Even though we don’t have the same taste in tv shows its nice being able to sit out in the living room together and watch our favorite teams compete and unless its State or the Tigers, I’ll always enjoy rooting against the team you want. :)

3. Having all the tools I need and then some

I know nothing when it comes to tools aside from the basics like what a hammer, saw, flat head and Philips screw driver is. Thankfully when I come out to the garage with some funky looking screw you have just the tool I need to use and often offer to just do it for me.

4. Building me things

On top of having all the tools I need to take things apart, youre always willing to jimmy me up something when I need it built! You’ve made bookshelves, end tables, tv stands  and found ways to hook up my crazy heavy mirror (bring on the 7 years of bad luck because that bad boy is now broken..) Not to mention all this things you have to build on the “honey to-do list”

5. Picking on mom with me

I’ll still never understand why picking on the people you love is a good thing but it sure is fun and definitely more enjoyable when you’ve got more people on your side.

6. Playing mom when mine was out of town

Anybody who knows me knows im a complete social butterfly, I always wanted to go to all the games and spend the weekends at my friends. Thanks for being the set of wheels I didn’t have and then sharing the car when I finally was able to drive until I got my own.

7. Putting up with my attitude

I was in my teens when you and my mom married and my attitude fit your stereotypical teen attitude. I “hated” my mom and was too cool to do whatever it was you guys were doing. I never directly snapped at you but you were always around when my mom and I were arguing and even reminded me a time or two that I should apologize. Thanks for never giving up on me.

8. Inviting me into your family

It’s almost as scary as it was transferring in high school, meeting new family members. They always freak me out, your family knows you forever and already knows how you are but adding a new person can be intimidating. Yours was SO welcoming and still are! When my mom was away and even being an adult now you always invite me to family functions and that means a lot when mine is so far away.

9. Loving my mom.

This is the most important and easily the one im most thankful for. My mom spent her whole life putting us kids first and doing what she could to provide for what we wanted. It’s SO nice to see someone love her and be there for her the way she always was for us. Thanks for loving her stubbornness.

     I never had a steady father figure in my life that was constantly around. You may not like when I pull in the drive with the bass bumping, leaving unwashed dishes in the sink and all the time I spend on my phone, but despite the lack of words we share daily I truly appreciate all things you’ve done for my family. You comforted through some of the worst years of our life, enjoyed some of the best and put up living with two girls..two stubborn, stubborn girls. Thanks for completing our family and doing the manly things that we don’t want to. We owe you!

until next  time.

xo

More than a pet

     They have the ability to make you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom and then turn around and put you on the highest high you’ve ever felt, and it’s usually all within five minutes of each other.

My cat is the most preppy, annoying and loudest cat I have ever encountered. He won’t drink his water if it’s been sitting out all day so he would rather stick his head in when I shower and lick when it drips off the faucet to later freak out that his head is all wet.  He climbs up on the counter when I brush my teeth so he can drink the running water and you would think after spitting my toothpaste on him multiple times (not on purpose) he would learn that’s not the best decision. When I take him outside he prefers to just sit on the porch because he hates the way the grass feels under his paws, and don’t get me started on the way he shakes and flickers when he gets dirt on him. Ugh, and his me[OW]! In the morning, at night, when I’m leaving, when I get home, when I’m showering, when I’m in a different room than him, when I stop petting him, when I don’t take him outside with me, and my personal favorite, when im sleeping..HE IS MEOWING. It’s not your cute little kitten meow either, it’s a high pitched screech that gets old..reaaaally fast. He drives me absolutely insane!

     Aside from all of these though, he is the cutest, friendliest, cuddliest, handsome, adorable, loving cat I’ve ever known! I mean, just LOOK AT HIM!   I can’t be upset when he wakes me up gently caressing my face with his soft paws like he’s saying, “mommy wake up it’s time for work!” its so innocent!
I think he consumes more space on my phone than I do, and anybody who knows me know that I save just about every picture and snapchat I take, the ultimate picture hoarder, and he wins hands down. He’s always there to greet me at the door when I come home and I tell you what, when I’m having a rough day seeing his white little sockies come running to me the moment I open the door is so heartwarming and he never misses a day! My bed contains more cat hair then mine...good thing I’m not allergic (sorry Austin).. His favorite place to sleep is snuggled up right in the crease of my neck, and even though it’s usually 20 minutes before my alarm goes off. The amount of comfort and love he makes me feel just by simply jumping up on my lap and instantly purring is overwhelmingly the best form of butterflies I have ever got.

      They’re a lot of work, they stink, they’re loud, they’re destructive and they skip to your last button without pushing the others, but they fill you with so much love and loyalty that makes it all worth it.

Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawaken

                                                                                                                                -Anatole France

until next time.

xo

Putting yourself first without being selfish: 5 tips everyone should know

You can never seem to please everybody that you want to, so stop trying! You don’t want people to hate you because it’s uncomfortable, but ask yourself if you want someone to like you for being someone other than who you are…? NO!

• Don’t spread yourself too thin.

I’m so guilty of this, never wanting to say no. You feel like you’re letting people down and missing out. Don’t worry, that bar night you miss won’t matter because everyone’s going to wake up and not remember you were gone.  If you don’t want to go on that summer trip, don’t go! They’re inviting you because they want you to have fun, not so you can be miserable the whole time. You can be friends with people and not have 100% same interest.

• If something said bothers you, tell them.

If your friends are making a joke of a mistake you made in your past that bothers you, or an insecurity about yourself..TELL THEM! If you just laugh it off every time or bring the joke up yourself, they aren’t going to have any idea that it even bothers you; they can’t read your mind. Speak up!

•  Don’t let someone you don’t like stop you from having fun.

I think every group of friends has at least 2 people who don’t get along with each other. Just because you don’t like somebody doesn’t mean all your friends have to dislike them too believe it or not. Don’t get so offended when someone invites them to a gathering because they’re friends, that person probably feels the same way because you’re there. You don’t have to go out of your way to speak to them just like you don’t have to go out of your way to let them know you’re unhappy they’re there. Don’t let one person you’re arguing with ruin opportunities to hang out with your friends!

•  Don’t always take yourself so serious.

I’m 20 years old, I never fail to cry when Mufasa dies, I stick my tongue out more than I smile in pictures, I find myself jamming out to the occasional Hannah Montana soundtrack using my brush as a microphone and I will gladly make a fool of myself to put a smile on other people’s faces. I make ridiculous jokes just because I think they’re punny and laugh at them so you don’t have to. If you can’t have fun and laugh at yourself you need a reality check. Stop taking everything so serious! Laughing is good for the soul!

•  Don't forget to hang out with your parents

No, my mom is not my best friend but she has better intentions for me than some people I’ve       known for years and she’s actually kind of funny. The older you get the more important you realize your parents are to you. You will appreciate every moment you spend with them when they're gone. It’s going to be okay missing out on something to spend time with your parents instead.

Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter

until next time.

xo