Don't always search for something better.

I think growing up in a time where just about everything you want is a click away, we've instilled in our minds that the moment the smallest thing goes wrong we can change it right there and then and it will be better. True maybe for things like broken jewelry or a run down car, but people are not objects. As much as I wish I didn't have to admit this, I am so guilty of it. 

One of the root causes in my opinion that ruins friendships and relationships, romantic and emotional. Sure they're a great friend but isn't always available when I am while this friend is always open so I'll stop putting my time into one and hangout with other. Or sure he was a great boyfriend but theres so many other guys out there I'm sure I can find one with a better job and more money. We get so caught up in searching for something thats better than what we got, we forget to appreciate what we have and never realize the true value and potential it could have.

*BIG lesson this month.*

I've been struggling to adjust to my new life changes the past month in a half and it got to the point that I just broke down and let the weight of everything tear me down. Although, in everyone else's defense I never brought it up either because I don't like pity and I don't like the confrontation that leaves me vulnerable and in tears in front of people I love and respect. Leaving me to do the only thing I knew how to do and that was write about it. Social media has this amazing way of letting you be vulnerable behind a safe wall that avoids the face to face confrontational awkwardness..

I can't even begin to tell you the amount of love that was shared with me after I did that. From those people I see so often I forget to remind them how much I value them, people I haven't connected with in weeks, months, years that were so quick to come to my rescue. My mom who I don't spend nearly enough time with, and one of the most important ones..my boyfriend. Who probably took most the heat from my breakdown only creating a strain on our relationship that wasn't even there to begin with. Part of me was disappointed by it. I just thought to myself that they only wanted to see me or write to me out of pity and that bothered me. I don't want to have to walk around and throw pity parties in order to get people to hang around me, it didn't feel right! But looking deeper into what they were saying and how they treated me is really what opened my eyes and more importantly, my heart. That "pity" I received was all constructive, "I'm sorry you're going though this but, it's a part of growing up, its a part of life." They weren't holding my hand, complimenting me to cover up my pain..they were reminding me that I am at a turning point in my life where it's normal to lose touch with certain people and start a more "routine" life. Where you may start to see people less but you shouldn't let the inevitable fate of growing up make you throw out everything good that you have. Not that I can't have fun with friends and keep things exciting with my boyfriend, those moments are just shared differently than before. I couldn't be more thankful for that reminder. Who better to take advice about growing up from than people who have all gone through the same thing?? I can honestly tell you that every person who I've spoke with since then have all said they went though the exact same thing. I mean, it only makes sense..you spend your whole life going through school with the same people..you go to college and have roommates that you see everyday and constantly have events going on and people around, to graduating or leaving school finding work in different states and cities and countries..we all go our separate ways and that's just this crazy thing called life. 

I need to stop searching on how to replace everything difficult and learn to challenge myself to appreciate and adjust to everything I already have. I need to speak up and confront my fears and challenges before it builds up and breaks me down, its okay not to be okay 100% of the time. All of my amazing friends are still amazing friends, we've just all reached this point at a different time. They are away or taking classes or work 30-40+ hours a week or have houses to clean, kids to take care of, families that need them and spouses they need quality time with. Some even going through exactly what I am but too felt like they had nobody to talk with. I need to go see family, blood or not as much as I can, as much as I'm growing up so are they. Family has an amazing way of making everything feel okay even if just for that moment. I need to appreciate my boyfriend for all of his dedication and hard work, I can proudly say in my whole entire life I have never seen someone so dedicated and willing to something that at days has him wanting to pull his hair out. Grateful that he works so hard so he can build a strong future. A rare exception to someone searching for something better..when things get hard he searches for how to make that situation better, not just leave it. Or my favorite line of his, "stop worrying, I'm not going anywhere" followed by his million dollar smile, crazy tight hug and kiss on my forehead..simple, sassy, but full of so much meaning to someone who came from a disposable background of people giving up.

Truly from the bottom of my heart thank you to everyone who has opened my eyes to reality. Taking my irrational breakdown and showing me that it's completely normal. It's not the end of the world, my world is just changing. Change is good and I find myself excited for the challenges I have to face because if I wasn't having these obstacles I know that I'm not allowing myself to grow. A wise man once said, "If you look at the world when you are 50 the same way you looked at it when you were 20 and it hasn’t changed, then you have wasted 30 years of your life" -Muhammed Ali. You've showered me with knowledge and an over abundance of love that gives me the confidence in myself that has been lacking. I am so incredibly lucky and I promise I will be sure to recognize that.

until next time.

xo

To my work best friend

     We bonded over awkward break room lunches, customer stories and our love for sarcasm. My over excitement and inability to be quiet and do nothing really evens out your RBF syndrome (it’s something you’re born with, I know you’re not reaaaally that bad) and thrill of sitting at home binge watching Netflix. 

     

      I was scared of you at first, you were really quiet and seemed to be the first out the door when the day was over, but it turns out we had a lot more in common than we thought. We have the same taste in music, share celebrity crushes, hate to love the Kardashians, we’re obsessed with Chinese food, wear the same shoe size and can conveniently fit into each other’s clothing. I’ve worked with you for 2 years now and almost daily we spend our lunches jamming out to trap music and the occasional Justin Bieber, eating Panera salads and fueling our shopping addiction. We’ve got to the point of knowing exactly what one is think just by our facial expressions and having code words and names for everything.  I spend more time with you than any other person in my life and we still choose to see each other outside of work..how you’re not sick of me yet is a mystery I hope I never solve. I can confide in you with anything and you always know the right thing to say and sometimes it’s nothing at all. You make me read the fine print when I’m online shopping and make sure to make fun of me when I order something from China that probably won’t come until 2020. You send me all the cat photos because you know how much I love cats and our text messages are completely consumed by inappropriate memes and links to celebrity gossip articles. Constantly pulling my head up on the days I want it to drag and making sure I get a little extra expresso in my coffee on long, early mornings. You help me grow everyday as a person, make work a place I look forward to going to everyday (so stop taking vacation days without me), calm me when I’m frustrated and always listen when I have more than an earful to say. We share laughs, frustrations, secrets, lunches, clothes and most importantly memories.

Thank you for making work not seem like work at all.

until next time.

xo

Putting yourself first without being selfish: 5 tips everyone should know

You can never seem to please everybody that you want to, so stop trying! You don’t want people to hate you because it’s uncomfortable, but ask yourself if you want someone to like you for being someone other than who you are…? NO!

• Don’t spread yourself too thin.

I’m so guilty of this, never wanting to say no. You feel like you’re letting people down and missing out. Don’t worry, that bar night you miss won’t matter because everyone’s going to wake up and not remember you were gone.  If you don’t want to go on that summer trip, don’t go! They’re inviting you because they want you to have fun, not so you can be miserable the whole time. You can be friends with people and not have 100% same interest.

• If something said bothers you, tell them.

If your friends are making a joke of a mistake you made in your past that bothers you, or an insecurity about yourself..TELL THEM! If you just laugh it off every time or bring the joke up yourself, they aren’t going to have any idea that it even bothers you; they can’t read your mind. Speak up!

•  Don’t let someone you don’t like stop you from having fun.

I think every group of friends has at least 2 people who don’t get along with each other. Just because you don’t like somebody doesn’t mean all your friends have to dislike them too believe it or not. Don’t get so offended when someone invites them to a gathering because they’re friends, that person probably feels the same way because you’re there. You don’t have to go out of your way to speak to them just like you don’t have to go out of your way to let them know you’re unhappy they’re there. Don’t let one person you’re arguing with ruin opportunities to hang out with your friends!

•  Don’t always take yourself so serious.

I’m 20 years old, I never fail to cry when Mufasa dies, I stick my tongue out more than I smile in pictures, I find myself jamming out to the occasional Hannah Montana soundtrack using my brush as a microphone and I will gladly make a fool of myself to put a smile on other people’s faces. I make ridiculous jokes just because I think they’re punny and laugh at them so you don’t have to. If you can’t have fun and laugh at yourself you need a reality check. Stop taking everything so serious! Laughing is good for the soul!

•  Don't forget to hang out with your parents

No, my mom is not my best friend but she has better intentions for me than some people I’ve       known for years and she’s actually kind of funny. The older you get the more important you realize your parents are to you. You will appreciate every moment you spend with them when they're gone. It’s going to be okay missing out on something to spend time with your parents instead.

Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter

until next time.

xo