Ever try to push a door multiple times until you realize it says "pull door" clear as day...?
On a little more extreme table that has been me for the last few months. I successfully found the most difficult way to go about and deal with every possible road block in my life, instead of taking a step back and looking at things before moving forward. I have become unfaithful to who I am as a person and it has made me shut down completely.
Anybody who knows me, knows I LOVE to talk. Anytime, any person, any topic..but for awhile I talked to absolutely no one..just couldn’t keep to myself enough. I’ve stared at my phone watching people’s phone calls ring and never answer. At one point I had 73 unread text messages. I deleted the social media apps from my phone and would just sit in silence for hours with myself. When I did decide to be social, it was to go out drinking or see people that I shouldn’t have been seeing... I was unfaithful to who I am as a person.
Then it was like hitting a brick wall..the things I let bottle inside me built up so much pressure that I blew up. I was on a 2 hour drive and there where times I had to stop because the tears blurred my vision so much. I started reading this series of “self help” books if you may and it mean a few were just harsh..it was like someone was telling me to get over myself and live the life I want..the first time around it annoyed me, I stopped reading. Then I went through it again..”you are living the life you are willing to live.” DUH, things happen and not everything is in your control but you know what is? How you react to them. Your actions are exactly what controls your outcome. If you want change, YOU have to change. I am living the life that I am willing to live. I am in control of what I let affect me. Elementary stuff that even I as an adult need to remember, and you do too. Six months from today your life can be so much better mentally, physically, and financially. Know that you have the power to change it all one day at a time.
I'm not okay. It's okay. I needed to get exactly where I was to be able to get back to where I wanted to be.
Cry. Yell. Scream. Take a 3 hour nap. Eat that pint of ice cream. As much as you need as often as you need. It’s okay to be vulnerable and It feels so refreshing to release that negative energy and give yourself a clean slate, you are only fooling yourself if you don’t. Go out alone. Give yourself the time you need. That can be alone time in the morning, taking a drive by yourself in silence or blare the radio. Say yes to an invitation even though you’d show up by yourself. Take time for you.
You can’t fix the world problems in one day, remember that. YOU are a work in progress. We all are.
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